Delay

Delay, defined in the Cambridge dictionary as “to cause someone or something to be slow or late”

This seems to be a motif of my life up to this point.

At this point, I’ll like to say “can I be real a second, for a millisecond, let down my guard and tell the people how I feel a second” a quote from George Washington in the song Right-hand man from the musical, Hamilton.

I felt that quote would sum up what I would like to say nicely.

This post is going to get deep and is revealing something I’ve been reflecting on in the past couple of days.

This might get long and tell part of my life story to get the point across. So get comfortable and settle in with a beverage of choice and allow me to tell a story.

I’m the youngest in a family of 5, my oldest brother 20 years older than me.

So when I was little I grew up with the perception of my siblings being like uncles and aunts to me. As they were so much older.

When I started Kindergarten in 2001, I couldn't read or write at any level, which put me behind other kids. It took a wonderful teacher who taught me how to write my name and the fundamentals of reading to even begin to comprehend the most fundamental of concepts.

I can say I have a brother who grew up unable to read and still today, can’t which is sad. However, this would set off my schooling life, I always needed help. as I was always in need of assistance. I had to repeat year one, which was devastating and humiliating at the time. In the future, I plan to improve my reading and writing skills. However, I was still considered behind schedule in comparison to others. Teachers even referred to me as "a dumbass" because I wasn't on the same level as others. I had no disabilities or learning difficulties. Art was the only thing I was not delayed in, and it was something I would immerse myself in even as a child. As a result, a lot of my inspirations came from storytelling and visuals in animated shows, movies, and video games. I was always good at visual arts but not so good at reading, and this carried over into math. So for a large portion of my education. I had to do a lot of tutoring, which felt pointless. I recall a few books that inspired me to love reading: Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, and many books by Emily Rodda (Who I got the opportunity to meet once). I can even say that video games aided my reading skills. My parents, on the other hand, were not convinced. I'd have to say that the Pokémon games were extremely beneficial to my reading. That is one of the many reasons I enjoy that franchise. There were numerous games that I believe contributed to this as well.

As I previously stated, this resulted in me being a non-academic child. I was always getting bad grades. But never in art. It wasn't until high school that I realised (year 7 - 12). That it appeared that things were beginning to settle down for me. I began to get better grades, and I discovered a love of history that was not limited to Ancient Egypt.I can still say that my reading speed was slowed. It was humiliating to read a textbook aloud because I was slow and couldn't read all these strange technical words at times. I did, however, enjoy creative writing and developed a strong interest in it. I was terrible at essay writing, but I enrolled in a lot of humanities classes that required a lot of essays.I took computer classes like IST and SSD, which were heavily based on coding. This even extended to web design and game design. The main reason I wanted to do that was because I aspired to work in the video game industry one day (Which I still do).These classes would put my limited math skills to the test, and I would eventually drop it in year 12 because I felt it wouldn't help me in the long run because coding was my weakness, but my amazing teacher cried when I told her I was leaving because she admired my passion and creative drive for things. Despite the fact that I wasn't the best at math. However, it would be a different story when it came to the final months of my education.I am studying and have become more academic than I have ever been in my schooling career. I went to a career counsellor who was useless and had no idea where I wanted to go in life. I wanted to work in games, but it seemed so far away. I felt stupid and inadequate. Now I can say I wasn't stupid, because the school only measures specific levels of intelligence, which were not the ones I thought in.

I'll also say that no one at my school ever mentioned scaling, which I'll save for later.

I recall having a conversation with my wonderful art teacher at the time. Concerning my future plans after graduation. We recently went to a career fair, and I was very enthusiastic about going to art school. I don't believe these were related to the fact that I received an early acceptance interview for an art school. But after telling my parents. They said no and we had a long discussion about how I needed to be practical.I remember crying on the phone to the people who had called to ask where I was on the day of the interview. I was devastated and heartbroken. I then tried to find a new path that I didn't necessarily want to take at the time. I was researching Criminology and Nursing. I even considered becoming a midwife. However, when it came to receiving my Atar, I passed everything but received a terrible Atar. Normally, I would be embarrassed to share this, but the exact number was 45.To be admitted to any University courses, I needed to have at least an 80. I felt doomed at this point. Because I didn't know what to do with it. I wasn't even told about alternatives to tafe to get me on the right track. My father insisted on me continuing to work for the family business. That wasn't me. To be honest, I despised it. I was given a casual job at a local pub, which was difficult and exhausting, but it taught me valuable skills that I still use today.

One day, I'd get a phone call from a UWS (University of Western Sydney) telling me that I'd been accepted into a pathways course for a university in criminal and community justice. I found a home here and attended with the hope of getting into university the following year. This was the year 2015, and it would turn out to be one of the most difficult years of my life. To be fair, I learned a lot and don't regret doing it even once. I can say that the campus where I was was unsafe, and I'll leave it at that. That year, I was on the verge of dying from exhaustion and overwork. I'd have to deal with loss as a result of a death, and I'd eventually become disillusioned with so many things. I was desperate for something creative that law and policing classes couldn't provide. I desired to alter my situation. At the same time, I discovered that the people in charge of the course had lied to us about getting into university the following year. So I scheduled a meeting with the director of campus pathways. What I didn't expect to hear was what was said to me. I simply stated that I wanted to change courses and wanted to know if there was any other way for me to get into university. She'd flatly refuse and go on and on about how it couldn't be done. And would eventually say, "but you're a Westie, you'd never amount to anything anyway." (For those of you who aren't Australians, a westie is slang for someone from the Greater Western Sydney Area.) Western Sydney was mostly made up of working-class people, and it had a bad reputation for being much rougher than other areas, and it was even considered dangerous depending on who you spoke to.) This part was always amusing to me because it was set in Western Sydney. I grew up in the west, but that wasn't the part that bothered me. It was the attitude and rudeness that it conveyed that was false. This was a time when I truly became enraged. I didn't need to be addressed in this manner. I simply ended the conversation there. Not without first giving her a taste of what she's missing. I was tired of being told I couldn't do certain things. I was tired of being told I was stupid. I was taking control of the situation. I took the rest of the year off from the course to find my own way in. So I went to my local UWS and ended up speaking with a career adviser at the Career Hub. At this point, it was no longer known as UWS and had been renamed Western Sydney University. To remove the stigma associated with Western Sydney. I spoke with this lovely career adviser who mentioned a path in Design; I don't often use words like destiny. I have no idea if this wasn't it. It felt like I was supposed to be here when she told me about this course. I discovered a way in. Which was done through a stat test, and I had until that night to submit my entry before it closed. That was always amusing.

So I took the test and got in... I did it after all this time.... For the next four years, I would be pursuing a Bachelor of Design (visual communication).

I loved it, and I felt like I could finally pursue my dream. I even discovered new interests. This was not without challenges. I can honestly say that I prefered university to school. I won't get into specifics. However, some issues and accomplishments emerged. A problem was a substitute tutor for the data visualisation class, which made everyone's life a living hell. She singled me out as "someone who won't make it in the industry," despite the fact that the majority of the class failed that unit that year. My mental health deteriorated as a result. I fell into a deep trance. During my summer break that year, I was offered an internship with a company called the Mill in New York.

That was an incredible experience that only served to motivate me further. I felt prepared for what the design world and any industry I chose would bring me.

We did our majors in the final year and I burnt myself out. I also discovered digital art.

That's the one I was referring to earlier. So I had to take a random elective, which happened to be one of the most difficult English-based units I'd ever taken. Which I passed, but not without being labelled as stupid.

So, what happened next?

I wouldn't graduate until later in the year. It was the year 2020, and it hit me hard. I was running late. My plans to get an internship and establish a foothold in the games industry were thwarted, and I lost hope. I couldn't find work right after graduating from university. I was stymied. I got to the point where I was thinking about committing suicide. I'd be diagnosed with Severe Anxiety Disorder and Moderate Depression. I'm curious why...

That year, I would find my footing unexpectedly through a variety of circumstances. I got in touch with a fantastic community manager at Ubisoft. I'd end up becoming a Mentor in the Assassin's Creed community's mentor's guild. I would also be working an internship with a consulting firm, which would be short-lived. I eventually found myself back at square one.

It is not until I got a job interview after a weekend, I got to see Hamilton in Sydney. I would get the job and that is where I am now. I love it here. Of course, for me, it’s a stepping stone to my dreams. I can say I proved myself that I got an extension to a 3-month contract. Due to lockdown, I’d even say that the delay motif continued as I wasn’t able to learn at the same rate as being in the office.

Which we are finally back in the office. I am not in the games industry yet. But I am staying hopeful!

This was a matter of reflection. I guess a bit of a sounding board.

Well, what did you all think?

Have any stories about delays you have been through?