You may recognise the format of this blog post from one I published at the start of the year. One thinks back on 2021 and anticipates what 2022 may bring. As a result, I find myself repeating the same actions. This open letter to 2023 serves as both a retrospective on the past year and a forecast for the next one.
To Brendan of the Past: As of January 1, 2022
It's awkward to ask how things are going for you when I've been there myself. I wish a bull ant bite was the worst agony you've felt all year is a strange thing to say.
This has been an exceptionally challenging year. a challenging experience from which I have emerged a new and improved version of myself. That's how I see it, anyway. So you asked me some questions. Okay, let me have a peek: Only at this time next year would I bother asking the same individual, "Where are you now?" What transpired?! Asking, "Did I actually go through with what I wrote here?"
Reading through the letter I wrote to you earlier is exciting, and I appreciate the enthusiasm. Well, do I have a tale for you? Writing this made me feel like I was staring at the stars and imagining a future where everything would be perfect. more joyous surroundings. Optimistic.
It's something I've always had, at least. Like a broken record, I keep reiterating that a lot occurred. All of a sudden, it seems like several years have passed.
Even I find it hard to believe that it is already December.
In retrospect, I can say that this year felt like more than a year since it was divided into distinct periods, much like the plot arcs of a movie, book, or video game.
The heat was gradually turned up to a boil. My time working for ACEL had come to an end. It was not guaranteed to be renewed in the coming year. Just myself and the job quest this time around. I was all set to go with a fresh CV in hand. Specifically, I wanted to find another design position. Similar to ACEL. In the beginning, I was just trying to show that I was one of those people who were prepared to give everything a shot. No, I wasn't disoriented. Currently, no. At the age of 26, when Horizon forbidden West was released, I was beyond myself with excitement. I ultimately visited the Ripjaw installation. Sydney's Bennelong Lawn has something strange, but I was hoping it was more than simply a robotic dinosaur. I was hoping a PlayStation community manager or someone similar would show up. A handful of business cards were stuffed into my pocket. A lone, fantastic dinosaur stood on the grass with a view of Sydney Harbor. actually not the worst vista possible. Even after that, I found it to be fantastic.
Very quickly after that, I received a request to return to ACEL for a short period of time to offer my assistance.
Unfortunately, it wasn't the permanent position I had hoped for, but rather a stopgap measure until something better came along. I was just as helpful to them as they were to me. I stand by what I wrote about the organisation and its employees last year: they are fantastic. A wealth of knowledge was imparted upon me. When I got back, though, it didn't feel like a triumphant return or that I had risen to the occasion. It was a sensation of knowing what I was doing and being confident in my abilities. I didn't feel any dread or nervousness on the first day back; rather, I was overcome with a feeling of confidence that made me wonder whether I'd finally outgrown ACEL. I got the feeling that I wasn't meant to come back.
Perhaps it was a want to break out of one's comfort zone and try something new.
A woman who would become my manager at my next job messaged me while I was riding the train home. It was scheduled that I would be interviewed.
Even though I planned to keep working at ACEL, I was given permission to have the interview there. My last interview would be in the Wynyard office, after which I would have to complete an assignment that had taken me a whole day to complete, as well as a few rounds of revisions.
To accomplish this, I had to rearrange my schedule at ACEL. The manager, on the other hand, praised my originality and favoured my method. The manager decided to hire me right then and there.
The rain was heavy, too. It was a new experience for me to begin working and my hometown of Penrith was being ravaged by floodwaters at the same time.
I have mentioned this company previously. I will not name them, but it is evident who I am referring to. It is an international corporate events company.
Since I acquired the position, I've seemingly lost communication with my former Senior Designer at ACEL. It was an incredibly heartbreaking way to part ways. since I wish I could have said it more adequately after learning from them. It was almost as if I had already said my goodbyes. This was the equivalent of a pit stop before the main event began.
I wouldn’t start this new job till later that month.
This is my first real "9-to-5" job. employment of the same nature, but in a different field.
In this position, I worked as a digital content creator. I thought I was going to be doing something new and exciting here, like working with videos. with the help of the knowledge, I gained from ACEL. With that in mind, I tried to give it as much aesthetic attention as possible. I looked at it like it was a design job.
I would begin to receive an abundance of information, perhaps too much to digest. What I found out about the neighbourhood in Sydney was that it is fantastic and has many options for dining out and shopping whenever I want. But by the second day, I suffered a silent mental breakdown. I had no idea where to start attempting to make sense of anything since there was so much of it. It terrified the crap out of me. Perhaps it was an early warning from the universe.
Since ACEL had provided me with opportunities to share my feelings in private conversations, I felt comfortable expressing them.
I recall discussing this with my manager, who suggested I investigate LinkedIn learning classes to gain insight. After I had completed this, I felt accomplished. I listened carefully and picked up a lot of useful information. I was anxious to get started, so I asked for a smartphone stabiliser and a high-quality wireless microphone.
And thus Brendan, the content creator, began his journey. Defining it to others was much more challenging than describing what a graphic designer does. insofar as I kept calling myself a designer despite this.
Incredible people entered my life. The content I made ranged from fascinating to tedious. Although I lacked enthusiasm for my work, I told myself that it was "something" until better opportunities presented themselves. a step towards the ultimate goal.
It was teaching me things I could take forward.
When I worked here, I was able to teach my coworker some of the ropes when it came to making videos. She was not from the same background as I. Within the first month, I was tasked with mentoring another employee. showing them the ropes of video editing, advising them, and acting as my senior designer at ACEL's equivalent of a big brother figure to me. In the spirit of paying it forwards
I realised I enjoyed being a leader, particularly when it provided a foundation for support.
I was beginning to think that this work was excellent. At that moment, I felt nothing but joy. It was very tiring; I had a terrible time commuting and constantly felt the need to take a nap.
To me, it seemed like my reserves of stamina would never be refilled.
Previous to my time spent here, I had published essays on the professional networking site LinkedIn. But during my lunch break that day, I got the idea to do this and release it that evening. The blog article was meant to be a brief update on the position and my current status. A hopeful piece that avoids negativity altogether, save for perhaps tiredness and the daily commute.
Because of this, I've been thinking about making some changes to my personal brand. Additionally, I would blog about this journey. The dragon that I currently wield represents my confidence and professionalism moving forwards. Mysticism has foreshadowed the future.
A bad comment from my company would be shared on LinkedIn without my knowledge until after the fact.
People have said things like, "He must be seeking another work," "We don't tolerate second jobs," and "He doesn't seem pleased."
Not a single word I'd written had even hinted at this. People misunderstood frequent statements I made about wanting to eventually work in the video game industry.
These comments hit me like a tonne of bricks the day they were relayed back to me.
I wasn't freelancing or running a business, and I didn't have a second job. It was more of a representation of me as an individual.
Those criticisms did cause me to slide downward. There was a bitter aftertaste for me as a result. Once I looked forwards to the challenges that came with my position, but now I dread them.
During my lunch breaks, I frequently went for long strolls to the circular quay. It became so unbearable that I even stopped eating in the office. Because of this, I didn't post much on my blog.
In private, I was actively seeking employment. That's not exaggerating; I was miserable. I tried to network as much as possible by going to local events and gatherings for the games industry.
Rejection after rejection, I would persevere. Numerous edits were made on my resume.
I wasn't enthusiastic; I was just keeping my sanity intact while getting by. My mental health had been deteriorating, and having breakdowns in solitude had become a daily occurrence.
My physical health deteriorated as a result of the ongoing stress.
There was a celebration in the ivy penthouse. It was a night that let me find a glimmer of hope despite the gloom. There was champagne and whisky and good conversation and laughter all through the night. I was able to strike up conversations with fantastic coworkers with whom I wouldn't have otherwise connected. There is one exchange, in particular, that would stick out in my mind. Someone from another team inquired about my performance in my role. I gave them the truth about my background in design. A remark they made would stay with me forever: "How the heck did you get hired in this? You'd fit in better with the marketing department."
Possible truth. Really, all I wanted to do was enter the video game industry.
My evaluation had been postponed several times, but now it appears imminent. It wouldn't be until my mental health manifested itself physically that I would take a sick day from work to see a doctor. Having a hard time keeping anything down and feeling quite exhausted. A doctor would tell me to take it easy, so I'd be free for the rest of the week. Thank god.
Taking a break gave me the motivation I needed to quit my job and start actively looking for a new one. I had to convince myself this time that I really needed to depart and make preparations. Someone was paid to review and modify my resume. As I desperately needed the help.
My performance evaluation was coming up, and with it, my resignation; my last day was drawing nearer than I had realised.
Since resigning was so out of my comfort zone, I was horrified at the prospect. But in the end, it was a tremendous relief. I would receive a modestly humbling farewell, and I would wind down the company. Specifically, I was worried about a content creator who I mentored. I prayed she would be fine when I couldn't be there.
As a result of my time spent in the corporate world, I developed new skills and expanded my horizons in important ways. One of my new interests is writing. Amazing people were among those I met.
The problems with the location were caused by a lack of knowledge about the roles and the roles themselves.
While I was there, the position evolved. To put it bluntly, I was unprepared. A journalist, which I am not, would be better suited to the task. Really, no one can be held responsible. Best good luck to everyone on my team! I have witnessed people accomplishing wonderful things. I hope the best for them. There is not a single moment of my time spent there that I regret.
The year then veered off into a new plotline. There was some pressure and healing at the beginning. from my parents, not me.
I'd reached a point of complete burnout. I was in dire need of rest.
It triggered a period of introspection, quarter-life crisis, and self-examination for me. A time when I withdrew into myself.
That was a moment when I hid from the world inside while I was looking for work. I had a period of depression, hopelessness, and feeling rejected.
The Ubisoft trip to Melbourne meant I'd finally get to meet the incredible Star Players and Mentor Guild members I'd been hearing so much about. So far, all of our communication had taken place via computer.
It was a lot of fun, and it felt good to be rewarded after a tough time.
This was a precursor to future success.
Now I knew I wanted to work in the video game industry, but I had no idea how to get there. I would experience a period of rebirth, which I describe in greater depth in another of my blog posts. My goals as a concept artist in the video game industry became crystal clear to me as a result of this, and I was also given the opportunity to explore my spirituality and find inner peace.
Currently, I am working in the video game industry. Yes, I did it. As a concept artist for a secret project, I am bound by a non-disclosure agreement and so cannot reveal any further details. It's like a stepping stone before the actual dream begins. To the point of becoming almost bittersweet.
It's an up-and-coming studio with big plans for expansion. The entire operation is conducted remotely, but I'd prefer to keep that fact under wraps until the company is established. Unfortunately, this position is unpaid, but perhaps things will improve later. I'm not dreading it at all, and I'm really enjoying my job as a concept artist. The realisation of my fantasy finally dawns upon me. Without compensation, I can only work for so long.
I still have faith. True, I am optimistic. Now I know that the universe is on my side and I can take on anything.
Although the past year was difficult, I overcame the obstacles I faced and achieved my goals. My personal and professional fortitude has grown as a direct result of my experiences with adversity. Despite receiving harsh criticism from my former employer, I was able to forge a successful career in the video game industry. Because of my perseverance and determination, I am currently living the life of my dreams. To see someone who has overcome such incredible odds is an inspiration to all.
So, there you have it: a summary of my experiences in 2022 and a look ahead to the year to come. There is still a lot of time left in 2023, but I believe peace and joy will dominate in the following year.
This leads me to my next letter! As I said before, this is two in one.
Dear Brendan of the future
The question is: how are things going? Like I wrote in my last post, it's strange to enquire "How are you?" when you won't get an answer until the year 2023. I won't even see it. Instead, the reader will ponder the implications of this.
Considering 2022, I would like some clarification on a couple of things. This year has been challenging, but I know it is necessary for me to grow as a person and get to where I want to go. As a concept artist in the video game industry, I work at a startup studio where I am not compensated until production. that can't be guaranteed at the moment.
I'll start by listing my enquiries and then move on to my resolutions for the coming year.
Exactly what transpired?
How have you grown over the past year?
Do you feel okay?
Is it a better year than 2022?
It was difficult for me to anticipate writing this piece. I spent the whole year trying to get my foot in the door, and I didn't give any thought to what I would do once I got in. Other than enhancing, gaining knowledge, and expanding,
As a concept artist, you must always be pushing yourself to improve your craft. As a learner, I am like a sponge; I can absorb information quickly. In addition to enjoying video games and movies, I enjoy drawing. I enjoy imagining worlds and populating them with interesting people.
In the event that I do eventually devise a means of optimism,
I have a hunch that I won't be with the studio for very long. Eventually, I'll probably have to move on, maybe just after the new year.
Though, I can confidently call myself a concept artist.
Put your faith in the power of positive thinking and energy, because we can make it happen!
If I could wish for one thing in the coming year, it would be this. Ideally, the ride would be a wild and thrilling one. an opportunity that will launch my career in video games. providing me with the opportunity to work in a hybrid capacity within the studio, from which I may gain valuable experience and skills. achieve great things in your work. Find some amazing, progressive, and independent souls to be your friends.
Not everything this year will go well. There will be challenges, but I think I can handle them. My professional life won't be as painful and difficult as it was before.
Sometimes in everyone's lives are often considered the "villain arc" of their stories.
Ultimately, I hope that 2023 is the year in which I take charge as a concept artist and determine my own destiny.
The easiest way to describe 2023 is to compare it to the be legendary song by pop evil.
While bad omens’ song of the death of peace of mind represents 2022.
My dream for the coming year is to find work in another country. as much as I adore Australia's thriving video gaming industry, which is particularly strong in Sydney. Although we are growing, we are still pretty small. I'd be happy to work in any of those cities, but especially in California, New York, or even Montreal.
If it's not possible, I'd settle for a job in a game studio that would let me hop between projects whenever I wanted.
This adaptability
There's a lot of hope for the coming year. As was the case last year, it will be broken up into four halves. But I think it'll be different this time! That's a big difference. This makes all the difference Once January 17th arrives, the race is off and running.
Bringing in a new year fills me with anticipation. I really hope you had a fantastic one! If Ash Ketchum from the Pokémon anime can accomplish his dream, why can't I?
With affection and lots of love,
Brendan
I hope everyone enjoyed that open letter. I hope everyone has a merry Christmas and a happy new year!
Typically, I include a song or two like "Credits" at the end of my blogs and for the new year I figured I'd include two to get a sense of the year's spirit. One takes me back to my childhood!